Being Fat

Why would anyone choose to be fat? Sure, there are some deep seated psychological pressures some of us feel that feeds our desire to insulate, literally, our hearts, but most people truly desire to have a regular sized body to reside in.
Now, I am not one of those people who think that I have no part in my weight problem, not at all. But I do believe that I have a body type that is predisposed to clinging to every single calorie I take in and not letting go of it until I have completely starved and exercised myself to death. Pair that with the additives in the food of today, and you have a recipe for great girth!
Fat is not the enemy, sugar is. My body thinks sugar is fat and stores it for the lean times that never come. I have tried buying sugarless food in the stores. I have tried fresh and unprocessed foods. They all have one thing in common...tastelessness. For me, food has to have flavor that pops, sizzles, and slithers it's way down my throat, leaving a trail of delight in its wake. I love to cook with fresh garlic, flavored oils, sauces, herbs, and spices. Eating has to be an overture of tastes that stimulate my palette and my mind. I don't get that from a rice cake, a raw carrot, or an apple. God knows, I've tried.
I have actively participated in the following eating plans and methods:
Atkins
Weight Watchers
South Beach
Cabbage Soup
2000 Calorie Diet plans
1800 calorie diet plans
1400 calorie diet plans
1200 calorie diet plans
Liquid diet plans
Six small meals a day
30 minute workouts
45 minute workouts
60 minute workouts
90 minute workouts
Strength training
Personal trainer
Ediets
Metabolife
Herbalife
SlimQuick
Weight loss patch
Raw veggies diet
Lifeforce diet and even
Hypnosis!
All of these plans made me lose weight for a time. The most successful for me was the calorie restrictive plan in which I weighed, measured, and recorded every single morsel I ate for nine months straight. I managed to lose 50 lbs in that time period exercising my ass off six times a week for an hour or more. I would cry when I would step on the scale and not see a single pound lost for weeks at a time. I remember vividly during that time that it took me three weeks to lose one lousy pound.
The weight loss came to a screeching halt when I was awakened at 5 AM with an excruciating pain in my abdomen that sent me and hubby to the hospital. After all the tests were ran and causes ruled out, I was left with the diagnosis of a prolapsed bladder caused by too much exercise!!!!!!! The exact words of the ER doc: "You have to stop exercising or you're going to ruin your bladder".
I took the news like a blow to the chest. I knew then, that my body would always work against me and I gave up. Depression settled in and stayed for a number of years as the pity party danced around in my head.
Today, I am once again revisiting the necessity of weight loss as I emerge into my forties and middle life. I am tired of the noose I have tied around my neck and am seeking new ways of resuscitating the mental and physical energy I need to tackle this once again. Alli comes out next week and I hope to integrate that tool into my arsenal for a six month trial period. I can give it six months. I can.