What a beautiful view! No, not Dad's butt cheeks, the view from the hotel in Newport, Oregon. We have visited there many times in the past few years. Our first time was on a trip down the coast to San Francisco. That was the first time we stopped at the Hallmark. Right on the ocean, a great view from the balcony. Spectacular!
On this occasion, we decided to take the trip away from the big city with my inlaws. We had told them what a great place it was and they wanted to see for themselves. Little did I know how "revealing" the trip really would be!
We shared a room at the Hallmark. The rooms are actually suites, with two beds and a kitchen/dining area that has a pullout sofa bed. The trip had been pretty uneventful. We dined at the hotel restaurant when we arrived the night before. The food was good and the ambiance was even better. I was cranky, as it was my time of the month and we all know how that puts a damper on things.....so pair that with having to spend an entire weekend with the inlaws and you have a combination that just may end in disaster!
The next morning, Brian and Dad took Isabelle down to the beach to pick up shells and absorb the salty sea air. My mother in law decided to do a little bit of shopping at the local Walmart (she can't resist the draw of local bargains). I spent the morning sipping bad coffee and reading the free newspaper left at our door as a courtesy of the hotel.
Brian and Dad came in with Isabelle just as Mom returned from her bargain adventure. We had plans to cruise the waterfront shops and galleries down by the local fishing pier and have lunch. Pure tourist trap, to be sure. Kitchy little trinkets and shells from other countries for sale in their souvenier shops. The most fascinating thing about the waterfront is the bevvy of sea lions laying on the floating piers close to the street. Their barks and splashes always draws a crowd as they vie for a prime spot on the raft. We were no exception. Cameras flashing and people pointing at the "baby" sea lions...."Awwww".
We had lunch at a restaurant that overlooked these brown beauties sunning themselves below. Their never ending barks punctuating our conversations as if they sensed we weren't paying attention to them any longer.
We spent a couple of hours walking up and down the streets, buying things we didn't need and taking in the local artistry in the galleries. We decided to return to the hotel so Isabelle could go swimming with Grandpa and Daddy. It was after this event that I got to see some 70 year old ass!
They had just returned from the pool, dripping wet and a bit weary from the relentless "throw me again!" request from our 6 year old daughter. Mom went into full on commando mode with Dad. "You need to take a shower. Get your clothes and your shaving stuff so Brian and Isabelle can go next", Mom quipped.
The scurry was on. She had a timeline and she was sticking to it! In a flurry of precise movements, she managed to herd Dad into the bathroom while organizing her suitcase and straightening the bed. You could almost see the electricity zapping through the air as she whipped around the room flapping her hands and scuffling her feet across the floor with each step.
Inside, I chuckled. "This is supposed to be a vacation, Mom", I tossed into the frenzied air, 'Nothing is set in stone, we have plenty of time for showers". Without missing a beat, she replied, "I just want him to get a shower so Brian and Isabelle can get in there".....still flitting around the room doing her thing. "I give up", I thought to myself, and returned to the balcony to look at ships passing by on the ocean.
Then, it happened. As I came back inside from the balcony, Dad is coming out of the bathroom, freshly shaved and showered. He does not make eye contact with Mom as she barks directives at him to get his suitcase, put his shaving kit here, etc. etc. He just gripes and mutters under his breath, walking in his slow, well worn way toward the bed.
I'm sitting on the couch flipping through the channels with the remote, eyes on the tv. "What do you want to do the rest of the afternoon?" Mom asks me. Without hesitation, I turn my head towards her to answer, and to my disbelief, just to the left of Mom is my father in law and his saggy, flat, 70 year old buttocks! My response stuck in my now closed throat. The proverbial deer in the headlights stance freezing my eyes directly on the butt cheeks, in complete disbelief of what I am seeing. "That's his ass! That's his ass! That's his ass!" is repeating itself over and over in my head. The quick thinker I am, and with just a hint of hesitation, I respond, "Whatever you want to do, Mom", as I train my eyes on a spot on the wall 6 feet away from Dad. My face never revealing the horror I had just seen. Oddly, my very next thought was "Is that what Brian's ass will look like in 30 years?"
The inside chuckle was starting to gain strength, so I quickly got up and started gathering Isabelle's shampoo and clean clothes to ready her for a bath. "Come on Isabelle" I said as I shot a quick look to make sure Dad was now covered up. "You're next".
On this occasion, we decided to take the trip away from the big city with my inlaws. We had told them what a great place it was and they wanted to see for themselves. Little did I know how "revealing" the trip really would be!
We shared a room at the Hallmark. The rooms are actually suites, with two beds and a kitchen/dining area that has a pullout sofa bed. The trip had been pretty uneventful. We dined at the hotel restaurant when we arrived the night before. The food was good and the ambiance was even better. I was cranky, as it was my time of the month and we all know how that puts a damper on things.....so pair that with having to spend an entire weekend with the inlaws and you have a combination that just may end in disaster!
The next morning, Brian and Dad took Isabelle down to the beach to pick up shells and absorb the salty sea air. My mother in law decided to do a little bit of shopping at the local Walmart (she can't resist the draw of local bargains). I spent the morning sipping bad coffee and reading the free newspaper left at our door as a courtesy of the hotel.
Brian and Dad came in with Isabelle just as Mom returned from her bargain adventure. We had plans to cruise the waterfront shops and galleries down by the local fishing pier and have lunch. Pure tourist trap, to be sure. Kitchy little trinkets and shells from other countries for sale in their souvenier shops. The most fascinating thing about the waterfront is the bevvy of sea lions laying on the floating piers close to the street. Their barks and splashes always draws a crowd as they vie for a prime spot on the raft. We were no exception. Cameras flashing and people pointing at the "baby" sea lions...."Awwww".
We had lunch at a restaurant that overlooked these brown beauties sunning themselves below. Their never ending barks punctuating our conversations as if they sensed we weren't paying attention to them any longer.
We spent a couple of hours walking up and down the streets, buying things we didn't need and taking in the local artistry in the galleries. We decided to return to the hotel so Isabelle could go swimming with Grandpa and Daddy. It was after this event that I got to see some 70 year old ass!
They had just returned from the pool, dripping wet and a bit weary from the relentless "throw me again!" request from our 6 year old daughter. Mom went into full on commando mode with Dad. "You need to take a shower. Get your clothes and your shaving stuff so Brian and Isabelle can go next", Mom quipped.
The scurry was on. She had a timeline and she was sticking to it! In a flurry of precise movements, she managed to herd Dad into the bathroom while organizing her suitcase and straightening the bed. You could almost see the electricity zapping through the air as she whipped around the room flapping her hands and scuffling her feet across the floor with each step.
Inside, I chuckled. "This is supposed to be a vacation, Mom", I tossed into the frenzied air, 'Nothing is set in stone, we have plenty of time for showers". Without missing a beat, she replied, "I just want him to get a shower so Brian and Isabelle can get in there".....still flitting around the room doing her thing. "I give up", I thought to myself, and returned to the balcony to look at ships passing by on the ocean.
Then, it happened. As I came back inside from the balcony, Dad is coming out of the bathroom, freshly shaved and showered. He does not make eye contact with Mom as she barks directives at him to get his suitcase, put his shaving kit here, etc. etc. He just gripes and mutters under his breath, walking in his slow, well worn way toward the bed.
I'm sitting on the couch flipping through the channels with the remote, eyes on the tv. "What do you want to do the rest of the afternoon?" Mom asks me. Without hesitation, I turn my head towards her to answer, and to my disbelief, just to the left of Mom is my father in law and his saggy, flat, 70 year old buttocks! My response stuck in my now closed throat. The proverbial deer in the headlights stance freezing my eyes directly on the butt cheeks, in complete disbelief of what I am seeing. "That's his ass! That's his ass! That's his ass!" is repeating itself over and over in my head. The quick thinker I am, and with just a hint of hesitation, I respond, "Whatever you want to do, Mom", as I train my eyes on a spot on the wall 6 feet away from Dad. My face never revealing the horror I had just seen. Oddly, my very next thought was "Is that what Brian's ass will look like in 30 years?"
The inside chuckle was starting to gain strength, so I quickly got up and started gathering Isabelle's shampoo and clean clothes to ready her for a bath. "Come on Isabelle" I said as I shot a quick look to make sure Dad was now covered up. "You're next".
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