Mother

She never complained
Just laid in her bed
Tiptoes surround her
Just like she were dead

Somedays I wished for it
My "funeral" dreams
For she was so angry
Often cruel and mean

What do mothers teach us?
At middle age I ask
Best I come up with
Is how to pick your mask

This one for parties
Great hostess you are
All smiles and twinkling
A bright shining star

The next one for private
When no one's in sight
Just the family to unveil with
And do nothing right

That one is most hated
By me and the others
Cuz it grabs you by the throat
Duck under the covers

In one realm she's tolerable
Even loving, dare say
Hoping it sticks
Forever, not just today

One mask is all business
Stoic and perfunctory
But something can happen
That alters that story

Be it being too loud
Or mishaps-something broken
For those things she'll give you
A long lasting token

A bruise or red mark
A patch of your hair
She will lash out and bite you
Her path dwellers beware

It wasn't all hell
And I dare say forever
But those days far outnumbered
Touches light as a feather

Sometimes while ill
She would gingerly kiss you
And tuck you in bed
With a handkerchief tissue

Bandaids for scrapes
As you fell from the tree
If only no emotion
Her life would have been a breeze

In the end of her life
The mask somehow softened
By regret or repression
This is how I remember her often

I wanted her to be
That mother for me always
Though her life was ending
Wanting still stays

"Please fix this" I cry
To a god I can't muster
"Do over" I plead
Before her sick heart envelopes her

Willing and begging
To have more time
And let her fix
This family of nine

Seven children in all
Plus Dad and herself
All wounded and weary
Raw feelings and welts

It's just not to be
She heard angel's wings
"Can you hear that?" she said
Gazing up at unseen things

"Sounds like bird feathers" she'd state
In her weakened tone
Body swollen puffy
Soon she'll be gone

Off to repentance
I hope in my prayers
May she have the life she should have
Not the one she had here

I wish for her joy and laughter
Romance and stolen kisses
Words spoken in love
To everyone she wishes

She must have that now
For it's all I have hoped for
Surpised at myself
That I'm not so angry anymore

Though sometimes I still
Want to see the look on her face
When she gets it and knows
Of the hurt she has placed

On the hearts and the minds
Of those in her charge
And the moments that shaped them
That have now become scars

Time to move on
Though not easy to do
Once you've been wounded by someone
Who was supposed to love you

A mother, no less
Who should be your best advocate
Lifting you up
Your safest bet

But alas, it's not so
There are many, you see
I am not alone
With my painful memory

One day I will shake this
Conquer once and for all
I'm getting there slowly
Some day, no masks at all