Has it really been six weeks since I posted to my blog? Apparently, it has. I have attempted to update a number of times, but every time I found myself unable to muster the words to explain the events of the last month and a half in a way that was satisfying...if you can understand that.
As it turns out, I do NOT have Multiple Sclerosis. Whew! Seriously, you don't know how relieved I am that I will not have to battle this debilitating disease during the second half of my life. I feel like I dodged a bullet....and I suppose that's exactly what I did.
My trip to the neurologist with my husband a week after the MRI in August left me with a feeling of uneasy relief. The results of my MRI showed NO evidence of MS lesions on my brain. Hallejuliah! "So, I don't have MS?" I asked the doctor. She turned to me and responded "Who told you that you had MS?" "You did! I retorted, your exact words were 'I think you have MS'!" She only nodded and returned her gaze to the computer screen showing my gray brain matter in photo form. "I guess I need to be more discreet" she muttered quietly to nobody in particular. My husband and I just looked at each other in disbelief.
We had been preparing for the worst ever since that fateful doctor visit. The neurologist seemed so sure of herself. The symptoms fit the diagnosis. Blurriness, fatigue, weakness, lack of focus, etc. My research on the web had mounted the case for MS in the days between my MRI and the doctor visit. Even my husband was starting to think that it was possible. I felt like I was walking in a funeral procession for more than a week.
It is a little wierd seeing the inside of your head on a computer screen. What's even wierder is seeing your optic nerve twisted like a pretzel. The neurologist pointed out the unusual placement of my left optic nerve during my visit, though it was not necessary for her to do so. The moment she turned the computer screen toward me, my gaze settled on the screwball way the nerve extending from the back of my eyeball to my brain looked. Imagine a rope, thousands of threads twisted together into a long leash, OVER twisted. It literally looked as if someone had turned my eyeball in circles a few times until the nerve (rope) twisted over on itself. It reminded me of those broomstick skirts. In order to maintain their shape after you wash them, you have to twist them as tightly as you can and tie them in a knot and allow them to dry. Though there was no knot in my nerve, it looked as if there could be.
Hearing the good news from the doctor was the outcome I hoped and prayed for. The only downside to this whole ordeal is that there is still no answer as to why I am having blurry vision. It comes and goes now. Some days I awaken to clear vision (once I put on my glasses), other days I wake up with the same blurriness that sent me to the walk in clinic a month and a half ago. Since I had just gotten glasses three months prior to the onset of my blurriness, the doctors are stumped as to why I am having this blurriness. I am in a holding pattern, adjusting to life with compromised vision almost daily.
As suggested by the neurologist, I made an appointment with a opthamologist...a REAL eye doctor educated in diseases and disorders of the eye. Within a week, I had an appointment (through much convincing of the receptionist at the opthamologist's office). I was put through the usual battery of tests, pupil dilation, vision testing, an up close and personal eye exam. I endured all of it several times over. A minor inconvenience, I told myself, since I am basking in the glory of being MS free. The opthamologist suggested that I have another MRI to more closely view the twist in the optic nerve. There's a slight possibility that the freaky little twist could be a mass, and that would not be good.
A week and another MRI later, I am back at the opthamologist's office to review the results. I feel like a lucky woman because I am 2 for 2 with my MRIs. There is no mass on my optic nerve, it's just twisted upon itself. The doctor admits it is strange and uncommon for this to occur, but cannot offer a reason as to why I am having the blurry vision. After another eye exam to determine my vision, he tells me that my vision has changed a little in my blurry eye and writes me a prescription for a new left eye lens. He wants to see me in a month to determine if the blurriness has disappeared and see if the new vision correction has helped.
Holding pattern. Lady in waiting. No explanation available at this time. Come back later.
This is where I am today. Officially, I am ecstatic that I do not have MS, nor a mass on my optic nerve. Deep inside, I am doubtful that an explanation will be found. Medicine is not an exact science, as it turns out. I'm sure this pisses off the God-like egos of many, many doctors. My focus these past weeks has been on optimism. I am glad I do not have to shop for a walker or wheelchair in my near future. I am glad I do not have a cancerous mass behind my eye and have the future role of Cyclops or Pirate to look forward to. For now, I will adjust to the blurriness and count my blessings. Life now just got a little more colorful and meaningful for me. It is not necessary to practice proper coffin positions. Life is good...a little blurry...but good.
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